O.k. so a lot of my information is my online research on the internet, combined with my own spiritual beliefs. there really isn't a origin of place as to where gypsy's/roma came from besides India. then from there the consist of 4 separate tribes. Oh yes, is said TRIBES. cause when i hear that word or read that word i think of native American tribes, Aztec tribes, Africa tribes. This culture kept being pushed out, cast away from country after country. During those times of them migrating, different cultures started to mix. Yes i know that's how all cultures started but the gypsy's/roma never stopped traveling because they were persecuted for their beliefs on who they are. I thought the native americans had it bad but this culture has not finished like Germany, France, Africa. i feel they are the true visionaries. But don't get me wrong when i say i understand the massacres that happened on this land. but these are two different tribe culture, that are similar in beliefs. it's like middle east and here in america. AH! america what a place to speak freely without being hanged in front of the entire village. yet we still get into trouble by speaking our thoughts. what kind of trouble...depends on what you said, how you said it and who you say it to. i feel if you know of your bloodline on being a gypsy, then they would stay as secret as possible because their place in society is being paid for fortune telling. these people are very protective of their families. they watch over each other like the mafia would do. LOL! they ain't mafia, that's italy i thought. :) ok back to the history. so today's count is only 12 million gypsy's/roma in the world that are freely coming out. actually i think i might recheck the count so don't quote me please. gypsy appearances are good looking, they are capturing to some people. it's not the type of clothes they wore or the wagons they lived in to traveling and make money. it is who they are. outsiders of the world. they belong to no one but themselves. have you ever seen to very selfish people work together on a project that involved their relationship, competition, team work effort on staying together to make sure none of their kind gets left behind.

i am alone on my thoughts. i can turn to a person and speak my thoughts but no one truly hears what i am saying. some people are more into their bloodline then others. for me, i don't know what i originated from really. i will speak the truth when i say; according to my mom, my dads dad told her that our the last name is cut off because of the war. hmmmmm....??????? the war? my fathers side is mainly German. i look like my dad. i def take after his facial traits. if i am unaware of my family tree to date back that far. what does that mean? if i were to get a reading done by a gypsy and not know it. what does that mean? if i were to be judged ever before dying at my reading. what does that mean? if i feel im being monitored while on the internet. what does that mean? if i can only remember certain parts of my reading. what does that mean? see, no one is able to answer my questions besides the woman who gave me my reading. and this is the thing, she mentioned how i would come back to her shop but she said she wouldn't listen. she didn't remember me or the reading. i remember when the reading was done. she told me to come back when i get my message. lol! maybe me freaking out, losing control, ruining someones life/reputation is my message. the message to ask the right question when getting a reading done, not to judge others for who they are and to listen/paying attention when someone is giving you a reading? i feel my madness is a curse that won't go away. i know i am able to use the mental strength to stop thinking what i am thinking but my life, the people around me always telling me what to believe in, telling me what to do, what type of guy i should date, etc. my beliefs in life are nothing like my family's. their christians. a religion that i was raised with and practiced. even my closets and only friend does not want to believe what i believe in. she said 'as long as ive known you, i can't believe you don't believe in god......' and so on. her husband though was understanding of my thoughts cause he understands who i am. that man watched me grow up from a young troubled teen to a troubled young adult. my friend i still love her and i don't judge her for what she feels i believe in. it's the fact that everywhere i seem to go, i am pushed away cause of my actions. my writing seems to always get me into trouble. ALWAYS! lol! this last time, on another site i wrote my crazy thoughts but i did it in a manner that was not acceptable. if we don't know then how are we to know? being airhead i can be and sometimes me doing stupid moves can hurt or damage someone. not just someone but somebody. not only them but myself and my 'situation'(what ever that is), oh yeah my boyfriend who we call each other husband and wife. if i am always writing and saying what is on my mind and no one is going to accept it, i get tired of fighting. i just want a friend who i can actually see, hear them talk in front of me to let me know, hey everything will be ok i guess. maybe not even that just to have the comfort or reassurance of i am not crazy(clinically insane) cause at this rate, i wouldn't mind a doctor poking a needle in my arm to make my thoughts stop.

i began my research back in march of this year and started to read on native beliefs. when it comes to ones beliefs you must have the history or origin as to why they have such beliefs. our world is naturally based on war for land to live on. war is based on spiritual beliefs. we fight each other on how we should believe for the freedom to practice what we believe in. does that even make sense to you? you know that can be looked at as being a hypocrite now days. what about back then? humans were to busy fighting each other to practice what they preach. we keep fighting but now we do it with our words. where are these humans that speak so freely? why are none of you saying anything on the gypsy culture? why must there always be silence? why must there be so much judgment on ones beliefs, even if they are your own kind? see this woman was not a fake like i thought at one time. maybe she does speak through me while im writing on the internet cause for not really knowing this woman and being at her shop twice, ive noticed she types a lot. she will stop what she doing, if not talking to go write what is on her mind. so many theories on spirits, god, heaven and hell,good and bad. the gypsy beliefs have no worries i guess on that. see reading about TRIBES on the internet will only tell you so much but yet there is plenty for one to learn about. is it really considered to be greedy for one to learn of such? before i got my reading done by this woman, i always seem to have a big interest in visions, fortune telling, dancing, the moon but i've never known anyone to actually being able to see like words on a playing card. lol! she had to squint her eyes closer and she wore glasses to see what it said. lol! it seem the closer her eyes got to the cards the better her vision was. lol! oh man. she is a nice lady but a gypsy woman perhaps. because she is half native, a gypsy clan can see her as a hypocrite. this is the thing that bothers me now is how judgment will not leave this world. WHY? WHAT IS CONSIDERED TO BE HOLY? WHAT IS BEING HOLY MEAN? look at all the different religions and the holy people who clam to be. a human will say i am right and you are wrong. why, it's cause were human. being who we are in a sense because no matter where a gypsy will go, they will be judge on what they believe in. travelers!!!! to know of a culture one must experience/be around it to know what that culture is about. my boyfriend of over 6 yrs is mexican. being around his family has taught me about that culture. he knows of his bloodline of being aztec. how much he knows, is not a hole lot but enough to know that he came from an aztec tribe. why are they called tribes? look at all the tribal beliefs. i feel learning what ive learned in the last 4 month almost has given me more of outlook on what i can do with my words on my beliefs. my intentions are usually good but just troubled and it sucks to feel alone on my thoughts. i can talk a little about what i am thinking here at home but it's not being heard cause they have an interest in it. it's being heard cause i have the interest in it. cause according to relationship books communication and having an interest in your partners life interests and speaking with them about it...yada yada yada is suppose to keep a couple together. i am unable to express my realllllllll thoughts in front of anyone. schizophrenia i would be diagnosed with if i was sent to a mental clinic. this schizophrenia is building up inside of me, i exploded in a way cause i never really wanted to embrace until recently. i usually go the opposite way that i want to go. i can't understand what is happening to me. it's like im starting to not care anymore, like my job, my family (my girls are my girls). i want the madness to stop please. im going on 4 months with this and i am alone on it. i have no one to talk with me on what i am thinking without being judged for it. you do not understand. does no one truly understand? can no one hear my crys? reading minds? come on, my thoughts have never stopped. i can have such powerful words and yet no one is hear to tell me their thoughts on judgement. no one is here to help me embrace it. to not be judge on ones beliefs, i know there has to be another out there just like me. there is always an opposite. there is always a two, to go with the one, right? i want change but i want it in a quite way even though i did thing's wrong. i know this. i have no one to relate with me on my experience when i got my reading done and maybe it's cause i asked the wrong question. lol! i should had never asked what i asked but my focus was not on the question it self and i think that's why if i can find another gypsy that maybe i will get a chance to ask the right question perhaps. i cannot go to the same person who gave me my reading cause it doesn't work that way, i feel and think.